All I Want For Christmas...

Hmm, I better get started on my wish list, and get a plate of cookies and a cup of milk ready while I'm at it. My stockings are all set. The chimney fire-free, the eggnog...noggy, and the deco's look good to go. I'm sure Santa will well have a nervous breakdown once he gets a load of what I want this festive yuletide season. Then again, I already have everything I could ever want. I don't think I want anything else from Saint Nick.

I mean I already have a loving family...sorta. I get to go with my friends to all sorts of crazy gatherings, I swear I'm gonna die from all the eating. No, wait, I'm still gonna make up for all those things I stuff down, ya know (insert stick-tongue-out emoticon here). I share a wonderful, special bond with someone so near and dear to me (insert rainbows and other pretty things here). I mean, I bet the jolly 'ole guy will think I've got more than enough. Still, if you wanna give me that game console I wouldn't mind :)

So forget the wishlist, the stockings and chimneys (I didn't say anything about that game console ^^). I don't need anything else *cough* game console *cough*. But then again, isn't Christmas all about giving rather than getting? What's better than giving a bit more of yourself this Christmas? To brighten up someone's else's day? Now wouldn't that be a Christmas miracle? You know what? That's exactly what I plan to do. Merry Christmas to all...

Juxtapose

Ever been at a point in your life where you're just so upset with yourself, you're sitting there, locked away from the world, tapping away at random notes of an old piano? When you thought you'd lost all sense of purpose and you forget for a moment, just for a moment, and then realize and think to yourself 'What the hell was I thinking?'. I'm in that moment.

I didn't lose purpose. I simply wasn't thinking of the new ones indulged on me. To date, it was the brashes thing I've ever had to conjure in my thoughts. I was terribly in the wrong having even had been deluded by myself. I'm sitting here, more frustrated at myself than I ever was, having been that foolish.

God, why not just jump off a bridge while I'm at it?

How? I didn't think I'd be this stupid. Sometimes wistful thinking can do more harm than anything else. I know I've broken several grounds today. The fact that I'm making it sound like I don't care anymore.

Sorry...

I don't think the keyboard will survive with me. Five minutes...

No, I didn't take that into consideration. Not when I was busy ranting about everything else. I thought I wasn't being selfish but no, far from it. It was a perfect display of irony. Of stupidity. I can't emphasize just how much but to say I'm really, really disappointed with myself.

Yesteryear

How long has it been exactly? Probably not so long but the way my life ticks, it feels like an eternity has passed. I'm sitting here again with old faithful, collecting my thoughts and reminiscing a sliver of what has been my life so far.

The thing is, I can't fully go into details what that particular memory is--which was brought up as a nostalgia as I face this screen of mine again-- but for sure it's one I'll heavily miss. One of the more better days I had. No, scratch that, one of the best.

As I sip a cup of coffee and the sound of clunking keys reach my ear as I type, I smile about it, and frown, at the oxymoron that I relish and so heavily yearn for that one singular moment again. I didn't think much of it before but now, a few more times it hits me and I pray that I could recapture it.

I highly doubt that. At the time, there was that hint of mystery that fueled it. That perplexing enigma that you wish to uncover, like a curious child eager to know what lies within the box of satin and velvet awaiting him under the Christmas tree.

Now, the magic of it all waning, only the fact that a flame has been kindred is the only thing you could smile about. That flame burning slowly, not quite dying but not quite vivid. Just enough to allow you to see.

Maybe I'm asking too much, maybe asking too less. Maybe even just in between. Maybe I'm just asking for that one moment back again. When all seems just right.