Cold

Feels like my heart's been severely pulled, stomped upon, struck by a sledgehammer and burned to ashes. Just awful. Can't stop shedding tears today. My body's been shaking like hell. Just can't believe this. Like what I twitted...'I gave my all for her...now my heart's in two.'. I did everything and she broke me easily just like that. Life just bitched me in the face. I don't wanna write anymore. Feel like breaking down

Goodnight Goodnight

Goodnight Goodnight

You left me hanging from a thread we once swung from together
I’ve lick my wounds but I can’t ever see them getting better
Something’s gotta change
Things cannot stay the same

Her hair was pressed against her face, her eyes were red with anger
Enraged by things unsaid and empty beds and bad behavior
Something’s gotta change
It must be rearranged, oh

I’m sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of the heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah
Whoa

The room was silent as we all tried so hard to remember
The way it feels to be alive
The day that he first met her
Something’s gotta change
Things cannot stay the same

You make me think of someone wonderful, but I can’t place her

I wake up every morning wishing one more time to face her
Something’s gotta change
It must be rearranged, oh

I’m sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right

So much to love
So much to learn
But I won’t be there to teach you, oh
I know I can be close
But I try my best to reach you

I’m so sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah
Whoa, oh…
Yeah

No Pulse No Breath No Sign

People make choices that they believe is for the best. For them. For everybody. So maybe we can go on with life. Sometimes we gravely misjudge the clarity of circumstances. Changing what we had before. What we still should be having--for something we believe we could attain that we thought was...more real. Grave misjudgement. I'm looking down from a point somewhere, at some scenic view, wondered, 'why the hell?. Why did I? Why did I ever thought-?'. A weak nod reminds me its been way past that point in time when I could have mended things. When those little moments used to wash away bleak memories. Made me smile. Now it's like feeling hopelessly lost, trying to connect the spaces in between. I let myself have it. I shouldn't have let go...

Forever

Out of touch

doesn't mean

out of mind

or out of love

No way,

Not when it comes to you

It may have been

way too long

since we've had time

to put our feel up

and enjoy a long, lazy chat

But that doesn't mean

I'm not keeping you

in mind

thinking of things I know

we'd both laugh about,

remembering all

the good times

we shared

You're always

in my heart

Never Dead And Gone

Things are rarely that simple. Just because something is happening doesn't mean there aren't two sides to the story. What things may look like isn't exactly what they are most of the time. I certainly don't see it that way. Maybe things have reasons. Maybe those reasons are short-lived. Maybe people still believe those things they told themselves back then.

People will always look back, remember and keep those promises they made.

We move on. That doesn't mean we forget. That doesn't mean we stop remembering the past. Or abandon it. We may have reasons for what we do. Reasons most shocking. It's not easy. When people hope for. And others see it as a desperate dream. But then we drop it. So why is it them that find it hard to let go? I thought they were the ones to acknowledge the truth. Why is it them who have the hardest time to accept? Why is it people who dream that find it possible to let go?

But things are rarely that simple. The what and how that I do now are a fine line maybe someday easily stretched and broken. I keep holding on to the past. I have never stopped feeling what I did. I have never stop caring or loving. I've never stopped hoping. It's still there; simply stored away in a special place within me. Not a special memory but a hope still alive...never dead and gone.

Vertigo

You know that feeling. When your head spirals into a nauseating sense of confusion. When in that very brief instance, you feel absolutely nothing, think absolutely nothing. It feels like an eternity has passed but only mere seconds wasted. You feel like falling to the ground. Weak and your mind in discrete pain. Satan's nirvana. Strangely it felt incredible. Rather it felt so very blissful. Like a torment you would enjoy. So deliciously painful.

Is absolute suffering also the doorway to pure rapture?

Guilt or Innocence?

'Tell me why you're so hard to forget

Don't remind me, I'm not over it

Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth

I'm just a little too not over you, not over you

Aren't memories supposed to fade?

What's wrong with my heart?

Shake it off, let it go

Didn't think it'd be this hard

Should be strong, movin' on but I see you

Sometimes I try to hide what I feel inside

And I turn around, you're with him now

I just can't figure it out'

These words have been playing in my head over and over these past couple of days. Is it possible to feel guilty without knowing why? Is it possible to still be hurting despite having it all? Is there still that void lingering?..

In me, there are still questions that need answers...

Web of Confusion

I wish there was something more to be done. I truly hoped there would have been more to this. Just when I thought fairy tale endings really did happen, even just once. Yet, everything just flips. They don't go that way. They never go that way. It's all designed never as expected. But it doesn't do well to complain when old dreams do actually happen, no matter how long they've been abandoned. I still wished for that same ending I thought I'd have. Maybe. Just not yet but still...maybe. But for now, I can't consider right now a runner-up. It's degrading. I've always used to hope. And now it's almost coming to fruition. I have to forget what I used to believe. Things aren't perfect. But be damned if they still go a little my way. It's all good. It's worth it. I have her. I couldn't wish for anything else.

Mending Wounds

In my life, I've never been so confused. When I was sure this was what I wanted, what I needed, I'm not so sure now. I'm not so sure what's what anymore. When I dream of that perfect moment. Those warm exchange of words. Hopeful promises. Moments of absolute bliss now completely dissipated. And now, those same things have replicated themselves in a form quite similar, yet not.

I wish I could just figure this out. The whats and whys. When someone meant the world to me. Still does. Yet, someone else does, too. All because of inopportune times. Awkward situations. Desires long withheld. When one says 'yes'. And you still felt those things. What's there to do? To think about? It was completely plausible. Not farfetched. Not just a hopeless thing. Is this it?

Is this truly it?

...

Ironically bittersweet. Feel like weights have been lifted but new ones burdened. I always thought it'd be forever. It wasn't. I'd have to say that it's quite difficult to put it but it's a goodnight. It wasn't a calling. Everything has an end. A beginning. I hope that my beginning will actually be worth it. I'm positive it will. So I guess this is a last call. For everything, everyone I was involved with. I hope you'll all understand. I just want a happy ending. I've been given an opportunity for one. I'm deeply remorseful but I won't ever stop remembering. I'll never stop caring. I won't stop loving. But the thing is...I met her...and I also care for her. And I also love her.

She does too.

Reality Like Broken Glass

Much that have culminated is just a load of crap. I just can't deal with this shit without driving myself nuts. I can't expect to just put myself in that situation and be pitiful. Things happen. They happen for a reason. Fate rarely calls us on the moment of our own choosing. We live it. We bend it. We don't ride it out and expect some sort of miraculous turnaround. That's the reality. So much for that.

I pretty much screwed that one shot I had. That one perfect moment gone in a blaze of dissapointment. It's overwhelmingly frustrating. It was very simple. A simple gesture. A word or two. I had it. I lost it. I'm not getting it back. But as I've said, I'm not hoping to take back time. I plan to turn things to my favor. Because, being human, we have that luxury.

What I had before is over now. I should have known it was ridiculous from the beginning. But I saw something else. Something real. Something I know can actually happen.

It will...