Hello Irony

It's funny. I was preaching like Jesus about how I should be moving on and forgeting and a whole load of other crap. But it all comes down again to going back to where I started--square one. The thing is, I thought I was moving on but what I actually was doing was just denying reality: I'm not moving along at all. It was an illusion of false grandeur. I was convincing myself and at the same time lying to myself. That it's 'sure my lyf's kul now but its gonna kewler when i tweak it some more'. Hah. That's a riot. It was actually a complete disaster. I lost just about everything and then some. Looking now, it was stupid to think changing a completely good thing going on was even better. At the cost of losing what I just realize was my complete everything? Including myself? Maybe I'm still welcomed despite being a complete jackass but I feel like the whole thing wasn't even worth the hassle in the beginning. Feeling absolutely horrible. Happiness within arms reach. Funny. Real happiness is attained through perseverance, not instant self-gratification. Should've known that. Now I'm not even contemplating on any changes. I'm liking my slowly rebuilding life as it is. And then just maybe...my old aspirations are still plausible. For now, all I can say is: I'm sorry and I'm back for good this time.