This will be my final blog entry. After this, I'm forced to abandon everything in the past regardless of how much it hurts. Those who come across this will hear my final message under the pen name some are familiarized with as bengwen014. To paraphrase, this is the last you'll hear from my alias.

I fail to understand completely how things went wrong. But the way it always has been, I'll always put the blame on me, because, to me, nobody could ever fuck things up worst than I can. It's always been that way and it'll always be that way. I have to stop trying to appease everybody-- it'll fall back on me in the end, and this I can account yet again for wasting my time again just to see me screw it up in the end. That's why I choose to break this cycle.

I've lost a very important part of me, of my life now, and those wounds would never fully heal. Like a broken mirror, even when everything is put together, the cracks are still there. They're still visible. I remain a shattered soul, lost in a fast-paced life I'm not suited for. I'm not truly ready to turn the world towards my own course. It never happens the way I want it to.

When I thought once that dreams, promises, and hopes of a future could for once be true and can be shared with another, yet again, I let myself be duped by my thoughts. You can't look far ahead and you can't make wishful thinking with something so very volatile and erratic. I understand now that to truly let someone live a life that they can be happy and that they can appreciate what it actually means to truly be alive, I cannot partake in their life. I'm holding them down. They won't truly be happy as long as I'm involved. That again is why I choose to break this cycle.

Essentially, you're still a very important part of me and always will be. I'll always treasure everything but it's time to lock them in a place inside where they won't be forgotten nor will have to be remembered. Here's to a man who lost everything and gained nothing but the knowledge to move on. The one who has to pull deep within himself to reassess his current state and resurface to his previous life. Here's to a man who only wants resurrection and wishes that his mistakes have taught him well and toughened him little by little, day by day. Again I choose to break the cycle.

Perhaps the future may not be so cruel to me and I hope that it'll be kind to you. I wish you live your life fully and nothing but the best. I won't mettle, it isn't meant that way. Maybe to see you again in another place, another time will be my accolade. Perhaps. But right now all I can say is--

I'm sorry and goodbye...