Phoenix: Dying Ember

I thought I'd end myself but then suddenly I'm back in..all of this. I thought I could forget everything about my past but then I'm forcefully yanked again by faith, doing the unthinkable. Once again I'm bengwen014: writer, unconditional anchor, unconditional friend. To dwell in my past means remembering the darkest and lightest of days. The worst of enemies and truest of friends. Dejection, betrayal, fool's love; all masked in ambiguity by a face seemingly unstirred. But so much this time, I take these things to the mildest degree. There's not an ounce left of anything to spend. It may not even come as a surprise anymore.

So wrong.

I thought I could never be taken by surprise anymore. No. I've barely reached the point of knowing everything about everything I thought I knew. It's comes to a shock to a degree that betrays my seemingly calm demeanor. Just because. Just because it rattled everything I thought I knew, felt, and even possibly hoped. On so many levels I felt I was being blindingly led. Like a dog lured by a bone tied to a fishing pole. I don't know. Maybe it was my own expectations and high hopes that unraveled me. Yes. Maybe I was my own undoing. Because it seems so, that was always the case with myself. I've no one to blame but myself and wistful thinking.

Thinking back at all the wasted time I couldn't take back, I feel so very stupid for all those missed opportunities. I could have been happy right now. I could have enjoyed the comfort of a pair that would have lit up my world. That I could have shared with. Instead I wafted into oblivion, delaying and biding my tine, thinking I was being untrue. Untrue? Untrue to what? Untrue to whom? The fact was I had no one at that time but thought I did. It felt that way at the time. Because I felt so committed. Because I came to give regards to every word I said. Because I treated everything as genuine. Because I thought I was immensely loyal.

Now I'm back here with a start looking so grim. I'd shake all those thoughts and laugh and hide behind a visage I've been wearing for years past. I'd pretend everything was perfect. As if nothing was wrong. Untrue. Everything is wrong. I have nothing. I've lost everything.

It's a simple fact: Everything moved on. I didn't.

This will be my final blog entry. After this, I'm forced to abandon everything in the past regardless of how much it hurts. Those who come across this will hear my final message under the pen name some are familiarized with as bengwen014. To paraphrase, this is the last you'll hear from my alias.

I fail to understand completely how things went wrong. But the way it always has been, I'll always put the blame on me, because, to me, nobody could ever fuck things up worst than I can. It's always been that way and it'll always be that way. I have to stop trying to appease everybody-- it'll fall back on me in the end, and this I can account yet again for wasting my time again just to see me screw it up in the end. That's why I choose to break this cycle.

I've lost a very important part of me, of my life now, and those wounds would never fully heal. Like a broken mirror, even when everything is put together, the cracks are still there. They're still visible. I remain a shattered soul, lost in a fast-paced life I'm not suited for. I'm not truly ready to turn the world towards my own course. It never happens the way I want it to.

When I thought once that dreams, promises, and hopes of a future could for once be true and can be shared with another, yet again, I let myself be duped by my thoughts. You can't look far ahead and you can't make wishful thinking with something so very volatile and erratic. I understand now that to truly let someone live a life that they can be happy and that they can appreciate what it actually means to truly be alive, I cannot partake in their life. I'm holding them down. They won't truly be happy as long as I'm involved. That again is why I choose to break this cycle.

Essentially, you're still a very important part of me and always will be. I'll always treasure everything but it's time to lock them in a place inside where they won't be forgotten nor will have to be remembered. Here's to a man who lost everything and gained nothing but the knowledge to move on. The one who has to pull deep within himself to reassess his current state and resurface to his previous life. Here's to a man who only wants resurrection and wishes that his mistakes have taught him well and toughened him little by little, day by day. Again I choose to break the cycle.

Perhaps the future may not be so cruel to me and I hope that it'll be kind to you. I wish you live your life fully and nothing but the best. I won't mettle, it isn't meant that way. Maybe to see you again in another place, another time will be my accolade. Perhaps. But right now all I can say is--

I'm sorry and goodbye...

Life: Reloaded

Decided to stretch the flexibility of my writing and ponder on some late revelations and past reveries of my life. I know not much of us would go to an extent to be all emo about our lives, well, not publicly and extremely detailed per se but it's common human nature so sue me.

I knew life was a bittersweet exchange of ups and downs-- think roller coaster-- but what struck me is how quickly these things happen. One day you go home, an exuberant smile painted on your lips, thinking days like these-- they don't come around this perfect. A minute or two, perhaps a message or a text or overhearing something, that smile quickly dissipates, struck with the worse news, or perhaps on some occasion purposely meant to recall that one dreadful event long suppressed.

Let's indulge from a common standpoint, eh? Perhaps something as common as crushes or love or whatever you wanna call it. Knowing someone won't be yours, tell me that doesn't suck? Or perhaps you wanna tell them so badly, but you're afraid to and you post up these insane lines you got from some mushy gunk love site, hoping they'll notice, or at least get a clue. Meh, only the brave and daring profit, buddy. Reality check. Up for grabs, she doesn't know. Don't think I have the balls to back up whatever the hell I just ranted about. Hope she did...oh, wait, I make it sooooo obvious. Great job, genius.

Friendship-- I lost a good friend and I don't know why. I don't know the cause but I still blame myself because I am not really the type to say I'm sorry first or even blatantly start making that move. But I'm really sorry nonetheless for whatever it is and perhaps everything will mend in due time again. Wow, I'm writing a long one. Cool.

Lastly, for some time now, I've been worrying about my favorite cousin because I feel so helplessly powerless to do anything to help her or at least make her feel better. I'm not spreading details because I feel this tragedy is best kept in closed doors but regardless, I'd want nothing more than see her the way I'm used to: her usual upbeat and zealous self. And so I pray that later developments will prove more positive for her. Keep safe, 'cous.

Welp, I've gone on for like three or so paragraphs now--I don't want to count how long I wrote this thing-- so I'm done and yeah, killing fifteen minutes for this was interesting. Plus, I really want to write some more stories like the old days but I honestly, I just don't have the will to anymore after everything. I'm dead inside...See ya!

Ignorance

When you make a horrible mistake, and have no way of taking it back, it forever scars you and haunts your mind. The aftermath of it all, the sheer ineptitude and shame. It's tormented me to heights I've created for myself, regardless of its degree. It's been hard to forget that one little thing, mainly because the animosity is still there. My damnation he would dance about with glee, more to the point of melodrama and probably one he will never let go.

I'm not sure I can face it, let alone let go of it. It runs through me day and night until everything is forgiven. It toys with me, destroys my psyche and ultimately isolates me from time to time to a split-second reverie of remorse and spite. The makings of a good read is my misery. It's fine poetry, ultimate tragedy indeed. Regardless, I must forge on and prove I am worthy of vindication. For now, I, wracked with guilt, am sorry I was foolhardy, and, pray tell, this is not over. You will have my forgiveness but know that I am not about to succumb to your constraints. I will rise above and break your rules yet again..when time will allow me and the healing has come to fruition. Yes, my negligence is one you will never restrain.

This is not over.

[edit]

1. What do you add to your coffee?

-I don't drink coffee

2. What are you reading now?

-Nothing in particular

3. Do you own a gun?

-No

4. Are you registered to vote?

-Yes

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?

-Yeah

6. What do you think of hot dogs?

-Okay

7. Favorite Christmas Song?

-'Deck The Halls' mainly coz I can make it sound violent

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?

-O.J.

9. Can you do push ups?

-Yes

10. What was the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend?

-I don't wanna think about it

11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelery?

-Blood Diamonds

12. Favorite hobby?

-Video Games

13. Do you work with people who idolize you?

-Yeah

14. Do you have ADD?

-Pretty much

15. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself?

-A lot

16. What’s your Middle name?

-Fuck am I saying anything

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.

-I wonder if a fall from this height is enough to kill me. Will tomorrow screw me again? I wish I had soda.

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday.

-Food

19. Name 3 beverages you regularly drink.

-O.J., Coke, and Iced Tea

20. Current worry right now?

-A lot of shit

21. What side do you dress to?

-Left

22. Favorite place to be?

-Isolated

23. How did you bring in the New Year?

-Meh, it was crap

24. Where would you like to go?

-Whatever

25. Name three people who will complete this.

-Three people as bored as I am

26. Whose answers do you want to read the most?

-Would it matter?

27. What color shirt are you wearing?

-Dark

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?

-I really don't care

29. Can you whistle?

-No...

30. Favorite colors(s)?

Black, Blue, and Vermilion

31. Could you be a pirate?

-Argh

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?

-Whatever's on

33. Favorite girls name?

-I...want to shut up...

34. Favorite boy’s name?

-Killzone

35. What’s in your pocket right now?

-Microscopic bacteria

36. Last thing that made you laugh?

-Sheer irony

37. Best bed sheets as a child?

-I don't know

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had?

-Chipped bone

39. Do you love where you live?

-Guess so

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?

-Two

.
41. Who is your loudest friend?

-My thoughts

42. How many dogs do you have?

-Eleven

43. Does anyone have a crush on you?

-I think so...

44. What are the most fun things you ever did?

-Rolled over and dropped dead...

45. What are your favorite books?

-Lazy to name

46. What is your favorite candy?

-Anything sweet

47. Favorite Team?

-San Antonio Spurs

48. What songs do you want played at your funeral?

-It Ends Tonight

49. What were you doing at 12 AM?

-Rolling in bed

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?

-Great, a new day [sarcasm]

All I Want For Christmas...

Hmm, I better get started on my wish list, and get a plate of cookies and a cup of milk ready while I'm at it. My stockings are all set. The chimney fire-free, the eggnog...noggy, and the deco's look good to go. I'm sure Santa will well have a nervous breakdown once he gets a load of what I want this festive yuletide season. Then again, I already have everything I could ever want. I don't think I want anything else from Saint Nick.

I mean I already have a loving family...sorta. I get to go with my friends to all sorts of crazy gatherings, I swear I'm gonna die from all the eating. No, wait, I'm still gonna make up for all those things I stuff down, ya know (insert stick-tongue-out emoticon here). I share a wonderful, special bond with someone so near and dear to me (insert rainbows and other pretty things here). I mean, I bet the jolly 'ole guy will think I've got more than enough. Still, if you wanna give me that game console I wouldn't mind :)

So forget the wishlist, the stockings and chimneys (I didn't say anything about that game console ^^). I don't need anything else *cough* game console *cough*. But then again, isn't Christmas all about giving rather than getting? What's better than giving a bit more of yourself this Christmas? To brighten up someone's else's day? Now wouldn't that be a Christmas miracle? You know what? That's exactly what I plan to do. Merry Christmas to all...

Juxtapose

Ever been at a point in your life where you're just so upset with yourself, you're sitting there, locked away from the world, tapping away at random notes of an old piano? When you thought you'd lost all sense of purpose and you forget for a moment, just for a moment, and then realize and think to yourself 'What the hell was I thinking?'. I'm in that moment.

I didn't lose purpose. I simply wasn't thinking of the new ones indulged on me. To date, it was the brashes thing I've ever had to conjure in my thoughts. I was terribly in the wrong having even had been deluded by myself. I'm sitting here, more frustrated at myself than I ever was, having been that foolish.

God, why not just jump off a bridge while I'm at it?

How? I didn't think I'd be this stupid. Sometimes wistful thinking can do more harm than anything else. I know I've broken several grounds today. The fact that I'm making it sound like I don't care anymore.

Sorry...

I don't think the keyboard will survive with me. Five minutes...

No, I didn't take that into consideration. Not when I was busy ranting about everything else. I thought I wasn't being selfish but no, far from it. It was a perfect display of irony. Of stupidity. I can't emphasize just how much but to say I'm really, really disappointed with myself.

Yesteryear

How long has it been exactly? Probably not so long but the way my life ticks, it feels like an eternity has passed. I'm sitting here again with old faithful, collecting my thoughts and reminiscing a sliver of what has been my life so far.

The thing is, I can't fully go into details what that particular memory is--which was brought up as a nostalgia as I face this screen of mine again-- but for sure it's one I'll heavily miss. One of the more better days I had. No, scratch that, one of the best.

As I sip a cup of coffee and the sound of clunking keys reach my ear as I type, I smile about it, and frown, at the oxymoron that I relish and so heavily yearn for that one singular moment again. I didn't think much of it before but now, a few more times it hits me and I pray that I could recapture it.

I highly doubt that. At the time, there was that hint of mystery that fueled it. That perplexing enigma that you wish to uncover, like a curious child eager to know what lies within the box of satin and velvet awaiting him under the Christmas tree.

Now, the magic of it all waning, only the fact that a flame has been kindred is the only thing you could smile about. That flame burning slowly, not quite dying but not quite vivid. Just enough to allow you to see.

Maybe I'm asking too much, maybe asking too less. Maybe even just in between. Maybe I'm just asking for that one moment back again. When all seems just right.

Welcome To The Black Parade

Yesterday--Nov 20-- was without a doubt the biggest bullshit of days I had in a long time. Things couldn't get any worse and I thought for a while it was the good heavens messing with my head for arrogance. Days before that were great. Couldn't have been any better that I would have perceived but then everything falls apart.

First off, I woke up to a very grumpy morning, very late for a rendezvous with my friends, costing us heavily on our plans. Then I just discovered that my phone's camera was broken from when I dropped it last night-- and that's the only fucking feature it was good for.

Next I received a message that an uncle of mine has just died recently and that I was gonna be a pole bearer in the funeral. Deciding to air things out, I surfed a bit on the net and discovered that my beloved team, The San Antonio Spurs, were on a very poor losing slump, and, being a huge sports fan, that's heart-wrenching to me.

I go on to lose every pick-up game I played LAN on the computer (9 to be exact), losing sums of money in bets in the process, discover that the Christmas party plan of my friends has been cancelled, lose more money on trivial matters, broke my earphones, had to deal with more of the forum's bullshit and have my computer act like a complete stubborn bitch.

Oh, and then, guess what, more bullshit later that I couldn't even say. Screw this.

Sweet 16

Birthdays mean a lot of things to a lot of people. It could be a coming of a certain age, a milestone in a person's life or the commemoration of a year's worth of wonderful memories. But nothing could be more significant than a 16th birthday--thus the special 'sweet 16' moniker. A transition phase for a girl to reach adolescence, becoming more and more like a woman. It's a transition much cherished and beloved by family and friends to see the pride and joy of their life grow up into a budding, independent and lovely soul.

To see that very transition of a person so close and dear to me has given even I a reason to smile. Honestly, to even get to know such a person was a wonderful development in itself but to actually be a part of her life is an absolute joy. I'm happy for her and quite proud of how she handled herself. She is truly one of a kind.

And now that a whole year is now behind and the experiences now but a memory, a new chapter in her life is beginning to unfold. With whole new surprises, twists and turns and developments, life will never cease to be unpredictable for her. 'Tis a new adventure into the unknown and she should delve with confidence and ease, knowing that there are people who love and continue to look out for her.

Again, happy birthday Aishwarya.

Lines in the Sand

I've always doubted myself to a degree so its not a surprise there that I do so again this time but this isn't one of those typical moments of self-doubt. For most of my drastically changed life, I've had so much passion about writing (fanfics); it having contributed so much to a renewed me more than any person will ever know or will ever need to know.

Writing had become my scapegoat to get away from a mad world; A way to kill the stress, to express myself without serious judgement, etc. etc. For some time in my illustrious career, I had the impression to be one of the best in my category, heck, some might say the best although that's just nonsense. Still, it had helped with my personal lack of self-esteem in the past and, perhaps, my more than average ego and confidence now.

But one of the more distinguishing highlights--and most memorable and possibly best thing-- that writing fanfics had done for me is probably knowing people, knowing friends who've had a huge impact in my life. In a moment of weakness I came to realize a friend--a very good one--who's probably helped me realize a lot more of myself than I would have ever known. Who's been the guiding voice for me through the lowest points in my life and has been there through ups and downs and basically every craziness.

I'm not sure to what extent we'll be inseparable or that there will be such a time that we'll have to walk separate roads. Honestly, I do not ever wish to think of such a thing or even want such a thing to happen but to quote the cold reality: 'no one is ever indispensable'. I have to face facts that time is not a luxury and that the best interest of others that really need me in the future will have to be the priority but if nothing else, I've proved myself to be hardheaded, selfish and persistent. But that would only be the case of myself. Maybe others move on better than I do.

She might and I'll have no say in that. It's not my call.

I guess not writing lodged a deep fear in me of losing everything I've gained through writing. Perhaps that's been the cause of the paranoia for some time; the extreme fear I had despite not knowing what exactly I was afraid of. It's become clear: I'm afraid that I'll lose her...

I know this is irrational and downright idiotic thinking but things haven't been peachy as of late. We haven't actually been that much of happy campers, well, I haven't. And the memorable days adrift it was now more of keeping each other sane, calm and composed. Not what I would have hoped for. But then a couple of souls that life hasn't been good to can't expect rainbows and butterflies.

Was she far better off without me entering her life?

Has me participating in her life worsen or made it a little better? Was it destiny or mere coincidence that we'd meet and get to know each other. What role did I play in her life? What am I to her?

Perhaps I've found the root of all this melancholy. It wasn't even writing to begin with...

I don't give a damn about reputation any more. About what I am to the fandom or what I'm suppose to represent. It was a phase I couldn't detached myself because of the unspoken love I had for my very own cousin I could easily represent in Ben and Gwen. The reason why I felt so strongly attached to these characters but after everything that's happened, I've moved on from that phase.

If I called it quits would anyone I know be better off? Would she be better off? Would there be less grief? Would she be better than she is now? Less sad?

Stress Breaker

I'm quite worried right now so I figured a quick meme would help ease my mind...

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?

No one. Last night was aggravating for me. Not the best highlights of my life

2. What were you doing at 0800?

Um... regurgitating the food that entered my digestive system

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

Not much. Worrying...

4. What happened to you in 2006?

I don't like to think back pass the summer of 2009 :)

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?

FUCK! @_@

6. How many beverages did you have today?

None

7. What color is your hairbrush?

I don't really care

8. What was the last thing you paid for?

Meh...something involving video games

9. Where were you last night?

At home...being pissed

10. What color is your front door?

Why do you wanna rob me?

11. Where do you keep your change?

Wallet

12. What’s the weather like today?

Rainy...with a chance of depression

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?

Cookies n' Cream

14. What excites you?

Right now I'm not feeling too excited until I know how she is

15. Do you want to cut your hair?

No...

16. Are you over the age of 25?

No

17. Do you talk a lot?

Depends upon company

18. Do you watch the O.C.?

Nope

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?

No

20. Do you make up your own words?

Yeah but you wouldn't know them

21. Are you a jealous person?

Yes

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.

Aishwarya...how coincidental..

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.

I...don't know..

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?

My mom

25. What does the last text message you received say?

Someone asking me about a test

26. Do you chew on your straw?

Nah

27. Do you have curly hair?

Nope

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?

School

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?

Me

30. What was the last thing you ate?

My words...

31. Will you get married in the future?

Probably

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?

None really

33. Is there anyone you like right now?

Yeah...

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?

A few minutes ago

35. Are you currently depressed?

Very much

36. Did you cry today?

I...don't cry...much

37. Why did you answer and post this?

Because I'm stressed

38. How much in love are you?

More than usual

39. Do you think you've done enough for him/her?

I've practically given everything I can...

40. What do you expect in return?

A smile

The Schematics: Analogy of the Soul

Different people have different presumptions of me. Some thought I was superhuman--that nothing got to me. That I never cringed at anything--never twitched. Others presumed that I was too carefree; that I underachieved due to my easy nature. That I was incapable of reaching expectation. That I was nothing more than an soul on a scale of mediocrity. Still others shudder at the sight of cold eyes that greeted them; my own. I was too serious, blunt and heartless some said. That I relish the gloom indulgence of the dark alcoves that is my mind-- and my sanctuary. Frankly, people have been throwing around shit on visual interpretation alone. It wasn't a very pleasant experience for me back then. It was more or less one or the other.

Yet a handful saw a truer me. That I was as human as they were-maybe more than any other would have wanted. Yes, I see my flaws. I know sometimes I talk too much or say things I wish I never said, or even have done stuff I wanted to taken back. I'm learning to change those foibles, and a few more I just knew by then with a little heart to heart. But what I do have is natural charm--the kind they say could not be seen a lot of people. That maybe I wasn't too striking at first glance but the personality that stood out, that aura I emit, the vibe I have is exotic; different. People who know me say it's my edge. That if one gave a chance, they couldn't say no because I was 'captivating'. That I can win hearts being myself. I don't know. My cousin told me that. I don't get it either :)

So the presumptions continue, be it positive or negative. But amidst the talks, the presumptions, or maybe even my actual flaws, let me assure you, you wouldn't find another person like me :D

Bizarre Love Triangle

This song played on my CP while I was taking a shower (don't ask) and it just got me thinking. So I posted it coz it holds true

Every time I think of you
I get a shot right through into a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine but its a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind

There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I cant say

I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday

I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then we'd never see just what we're mean't to be

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

You Or Someone Like You

Okay I'm gonna rush this or else mom will crucify me. Basically I've been having problems with a lotta things lately. One is of course school (duh). Not only are finals coming up which is torture but we're like been given tons of homework and projects to be done before the end of the next freakin' week. We still have dance practice too for one subject which is accountable for half its grade and we usually get home so late we can barely do other freakin' stuff. Plus, I'm lazy!

Two is relationships or at least how rumor is these days. Basically I've been linked with three girls and their three whoop-di-dooes have been the source of my stress. One is so freakin' obsess with me that her pathetic antics to 'win' me have gotten me in so many embarrassing situations--in front of people who will hold it against me. The other one's been falsely linked to me and our suppose 'relationship' has become such a fast-moving plague that the gossip is starting to take its toll to the point where my social life is now affected more than just by mere words. It's running deeper than that. And the last would be the ex who apparently got into the mix and now, thanks to the other two girls, the whole thing gotten us both in the hot spot for heavy pressure and much malignant jeering and stuff. It's disorienting.

Three would be my ever naggy parents and their constant nagging to me about everything online-related, online-girlfriend-related and basically everything sitting-on-my-ass-on-the-chair-facing-screen-related. And the no. 2 problem has reached their ears and they're even more fucking annoying as hell.

And four is this freakin' typhoon that's got the entire country flooded and experiencing power cuts, food shortages and lost of lives. I don't wanna belong in that category. I hope things lift up soon. I cannot handle all this unrelenting pressure. And the haven that is going online is the only thing I got and problem no. 3 is getting in the way of that...

Dammit

More Than You Think You Know

I'm not gonna mix words. I'm just gonna let it out. I may not be getting online. For how long it's a give or take and I just don't know. The why's I can't say coz it'd just create more of an uproar so I'm telling you now but I'm not saying what exactly. I may not be here. I just have too much I have to deal with right now.

Little Wonders

This song absolutely defines everything I've ever felt :D

Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And i don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by,
It's the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

All of my regret
Will wash away some how
But i can not forget
The way i feel right now

In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain

This Love

All the songs I post here aren't for show. They depict what I'm thinking and/or feeling right now towards someone that's been on my mind at the time.

I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
My pressure on your hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And my heart is breaking in front of me
She said Goodbye too many times before

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore...

What In The Name Of--?

A meme so completely random and bizzare that'll have you saying 'what the f***?'. To celebrate my 1000th tweet and one goal checked off my list, here's to you guys. Let's do this thing!!

What's the speed of dark?

-Depends how fast your lightbulb burns out

Quick! Slap yourself, hold your nose and type the first 5 things that pop inside your mind!
-1. Ow!

2. I so wanna talk to her

3. Can't breathe

4. Can't breathe

5. Air!!

If you run backwards will you gain weight?

- What? Are you dumb as shit...wait...you do have a point..

Why is the sky blue?

- Um...coz blue is purty?

Duck, Duck, Goose!

- Who let the goose out?!

Why does X stand for a kiss?

- And how come three x's mean something pornographic?

If you were to die right now what would your tombstone read?

- Here lies Dan Canong. I'm sure you don't know him but...

Humor me

- No thanks. I don't get paid for this..

Marco!

- Polo!

How can sea turtles sink the Titanic?

- They give it a bad movie review

OMG! Hitler just declared war on you!

- Release the muffins, men!

What's after infinity?

- I dunno but I hope it doesn't catch him

If this question was a person would you marry him/her?

- If this answer was a person I would rather marry this one

Repent!

- Omlette prevail!

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

- Safety first :D

Think of the person you like or love..

- Mm'kay...

How would you nail him/her?

- What the fuck?! I'd fucking tear your fucking balls off for asking me that you disrespectful shit! I would never think that way about her!

Are you offended?

- Damn right I am!

Psyche! We got you good!

- You bastard! O_o

It's raining men!

- But the weathermen predicted clear skies! Dammit!

Why are you doing this?

- Because I'm celebrating my 1000th tweet!

Do you think there would have been a better way on how to do this?

- I don't care!

Explain the philosophical nature on how you could have done this better?

- I could...kick your ass you dumb retard?

Is that your final answer?

- No, wait...C! I pick C!

Congratulations! You win $1,000,000!

- Holy shit! Now I can buy a lifetime supply of cup holders!

Olie Olie Oxen Free!

- I see you! Poke poke. Gurgle gurgle. Rinse and repeat :)

How attentive are you?

- Can you repeat the question?

Holy Peanuts, Batman! A giant toilet is tearing downtown!

- Quick Robin! To the bat-room! :)

What time is it?

- Get a watch, dumbass

Are you in love?

- Yes!

Wuss! Forget about her!

- What?! Never! Are you outta your mind?

We'll always have England.

- Oookaaayyyy...

Why why why Delilah?

- Why? What did Delilah do?

Name five things that are French.

- French fries, french toast, french bread, french kiss, french...ship?

Black eyed, red eyed, white eyed?

- Coz Barney is always in our hearts :D

A man walk into a bar wearing an eyepatch.

-Why was the bar wearing an eyepatch?

La'Chaim!

- Gesundheit :)

How good-looking are you?

- I'm glad you noticed :D

What a complete lying ugly-face

- How can a pretty face be so wrong, stupid

Waddya do in bed if you had your love with you?

- Oh my god! Epic snuggling!

Bet you said you'd do her.

- Wrong! I'm not like you bizatch

How strong is your ping pong?

- My ping pong is so strong, people wouldn't care if it's just a gayer version of tennis

Flying leprechaun!

- Jesus! Someone call the Ghostbusters!

Me only 5 million...and me go slippy meat. SHEEP!

- FTW!

Describe yourself in one word

- Charming

Now describe yourself in one word honestly this time you big, fat liar

- He got me good!

:O

- Woot!

Madness? This is Sparta!

- Ahoo!

Think of a brand name. Now think of a cheaper brand. How long will the Earth circle the Sun?

- Logic! It burns!

5 good friends of yours

- femmie

- char

- cascade

- Leon Woon

- Chewbacca

How many of them do you deem attractive?

- 3?

How many of them would you flirt with?

- Um...1?

How many of them aren't made up coz you don't have any friends?

- 1..

5 things a healthy relationship needs...

- trust

- love

- honesty

- cooperation

- sex

Bet you wrote sex, didya? ;)

- Oh my God this man is psychic!

I'm thinking of a no. between one and broccoli

- Abraham Lincoln

Who watches the Watchmen?

- The Watchmen Watchers?

Part one is done

- Hassah!

Part two must be done exactly two days when the moon is at the center night sky. During that time you must become a vegetable and hide from werewolf monkeys. Thread lightly Obi-wan

- Yes, master